 |
|
|
|
|
|
||
|
|
||||||
|
|||||||
|
|||||||
 |
 |
|
|||||
|
Children ..... to have or not to have? Good question! And the answer should most appropriately be left up to God. When we seek God, sometimes God will say YES on the issue of children, sometimes NO. At other times, MAYBE. Many times, WAIT .... and in certain special cases ADOPT. We see couples who desperately want a child never being able to have one and then couples who have some children who make you wonder why they ever had any. To us it may seem that there is no rhyme or reason. To God, not only is there a reason but a plan and a purpose. So, how often do we seek God before we have children and, then and especially, after we have children? I have two children but before them, I think there were times we were convinced not to have any, and as time rolled on and the "clock ticked", we decided that if we were going to try, we'd better start. David came right on along, Abbey followed some three years later, and we have now been in those teenage years for some time. Someone once told me, "If you think the Terrible 2's were bad, just watch out! Wait until they become teenagers!" I laughed at the time. ...I'm not laughing so much any more! There may just be a lot of truth to the Terrible 2's setting you up for the Terrible Teens! (Read what 1 Peter 4:12 has to say - "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you." .... fiery ordeal ... strange thing! Well ...I do not think that this verse was really intended for the Terrible Teens, but it is certainly a good way to look at it!) There are many, many "stages", and we will question ourselves over and over again! And, we will be scared at times. So, what I'm really wondering is if we can ever be really fully prepared?! "Really, fully" - maybe never, but we can be prepared enough to know what we do need to do and where exactly we do need to turn when either we do something and it fails or we don't do something and it fails. And, let me just add right here and now! .... in BOLD! This study is not just directed to "parents"! It is directed to every single ADULT ever - parent or NOT!...because you DO NOT have to be a parent to "parent" a child. I read somewhere that "it takes a whole village to raise a child!" Well, maybe a whole village, maybe not a whole village, but we all certainly need as much love and support as we can get! The Bible says it takes parents and grandparents, whole families and even friends and teachers especially to raise children. Children are an awesome undertaking but an indescribable blessing! We are surrounded by children who need to be loved, nurtured, cherished, provided for and taught! Sons and daughters (and in this day and age, many stepsons and stepdaughters), nieces and nephews, neighborhood children, school children, children of friends, friends of our children, in Sunday School, at home, in something as simple as walking down a street, in something as dear as receiving an E-Mail to pray for some little being. They are a "blessing" to everyone! We can all help, and we can all have impact on them. We can absolutely touch their little lives. For the good or the bad? That depends on us! Hopefully, for the absolute best - for us and for them! What an honor! What an opportunity! Amen? Amen! Let's take a look - First and foremost in "rearing and raising" children we should be most concerned with raising them up in the Lord towards the very grace thing that will lead them to their SALVATION, and I have to tell you that their SALVATION is the most important thing that you need to be concerned with, praying for and directing them to. SALVATION for our kids - our children! It is the most important thing ever. Do not ever hesitate to ask them if they are "saved". Do not NOT ask them for fear of offending them! They are worth that risk! I was "saved" at the tender young age of 8 and remember an overwhelming emotional moment. I am convinced, however, that my kids must have come out of the womb believing because I have never witnessed an emotional salvation moment from them. So, I asked them...and, from time to time, ask them again, "Are you saved?" When they repeat how they became saved and what they would tell someone who wanted to know, they share the "Salvation Plan" with me word-for-word. "That God loved US so much that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die on a cross for OUR sins - and Jesus did just that - that Jesus was buried and three days later He arose!" (HALLELUJAH, CHRIST AROSE!...thank You, Lord! - 1 Corinthians 15:3-4). It is so simple! It is THAT simple! The "DBR" - the "Death, Burial and Resurrection" of Jesus Christ. I urge you to make the time and take the time to make sure that a child is saved and don't just assume that they are! It is worth the effort! Their very lives depend on it! Next, the Bible tells us this from the book of Deuteronomy that we are to what I call "Walk it and Talk it".... Deuteronomy
6:5-9 - "And you
shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your might.
And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your
heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall
talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the
way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind
them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your
forehead. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house
and on your gates." Deuteronomy 11:18-20 - "You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." Back in the olden times, the Jewish people took God and His word literally (...as we should!) - it was an absolute way of life for them. They woke up with God on their minds, they went throughout the day with God on their minds, and the last thought they were to have was of God on their minds. They "consulted" God morning, noon and night. The men wore these things on either their head or their arm called PHYLACTERIES (from the Greek word phulakteria - meaning "defenses" or "protections"....and that's exactly what they wore them for. It was their REMINDER of Who their God above was and to Whom they could turn for defense and protection). They could also be called FRONTLETS and consisted of strips or tiny pieces of paper/parchment on which certain scriptural texts were inscribed. These papers were then enclosed in a leather case and worn either on the forehead (between the eyes) or on the left arm (near the elbow). The Jewish children were taught these things because they, the children, were of the utmost importance to these people. Children to them were absolute BLESSINGS not burdens! (See Psalm 127:3-5A and Proverbs 17:6) "Blessings?", you may say, and I am sure we have all felt at one time or other, "....well you've never been around mine!" Well, maybe not, but I've been around two just like them. And it is during those times when I am questioning their "blessedness" that I try to reflect on what kind of child I am to God. Hmmm....... He has never given up on me and even loves me in spite of myself and always considers me His "child"! (See 1 John 3:1-2!) So, how do we care for such "blessings"? They are our ultimate responsibility (no matter what the age!). We are, however, not guaranteed that GOOD parenting or influence will make GOOD children, or, for that matter, that BAD parenting or influence will make BAD children; but let it be known that the better way would seem to be to try doing it the GOOD way first because we are told in Proverbs 22:6 .... "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." That's one promise I would definitely like to claim. My pastor in teaching on children said, "This training is expected to be a positive influence upon the child's life. However, negative training also has a negative influence upon a child's life." The FOCUS, therefore, has to be taken off of us ADULTS and placed on the CHILDREN and their training. Our wants and wishes and desires and designs should take a back seat in order to get these kids raised right and correctly and, above all, "in the Lord"! So, what to do?...what to do? ACROSTIC C = CONSISTENCY vs. CONVENIENCE. It will be a constant battle. "Wouldn't it just be easier to give in?" The real question is "Do we want what's best for them or what's easiest for us?"...the thing about this question is, in my life I have found that if I am not consistent and think it is easier to give in and DO give in, the end results always - ALWAYS - end up being HARDER for and on ME! They WIN ....I LOSE! Another good question is, "Are we living vicariously through them?" Are we pushing them past limits, or, giving NO limits?.....because we think it is easier or, better yet, we don't want to have to "listen to them and their mouths". Unfortunately in today's society we tend to either be "under-indulgent" or "over-indulgent". We are a generation that usually leans to one extreme or the other ...either not providing enough or providing way too much because we either "want them to have what we didn't" or we feel that they just "have to have one of" whatever is the fad or we, again, just don't want to hear their mouths or see them pout. Many of our children are either very under-privileged and even abused or absolute spoiled brats. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if any one does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever." WOW! We don't need deadbeat dads and moms nor do we need to be give them everything and more parents. We need to provide adequately for our children, and in the event we have "over-provided", we need lots of discipline for ourselves and "tough love" for them will have to definitely enter the picture. The KEY is CONSISTENCY through the Word of God, and to that end, I CHALLENGE each one of us with the "Walk it and Talk it" verses listed above! (Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and Deuteronomy 11:18-20). How often? As often as it takes! A few summers ago, I started leaving small sticky notes with a verse a day for my children to look up. At first they rolled their eyes, but I'm here to tell you that the first time I forgot to leave them a verse to look up, they were calling me at work asking, "Where's our verse?" ....did my heart good! One final passage.... Matthew 18:6, 10 and 14 - "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it is better for him that a heavy millstone be hung around his neck, and that he be drowned in the depth of the sea. .... See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you, that their angels in heaven continually behold the face of My Father who is in heaven. ... Thus it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish." WOE and WATCH OUT! (See also Mark 9:42.)
H = HAPPINESS / HEART! ....or HEADACHE / HEARTACHE! Both! ...because they are your very heart! They will bring you such happiness that there are no words to describe it, and in a split...and I do mean split ...second they will bring you such heartache that it demands to be accompanied by a headache! But I want to remind you of a song.... Jesus loves the little children Matthew 19:14 - "But Jesus said, 'Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' "
I = ILL & IGNORE.... they will be and will do both. We will be BAFFLED by their BEHAVIOR! They totally "need" us one minute and are "embarrassed" by us the next. They definitely come with "selective hearing". But, we are reminded to remind them (over and over) .... Ephesians 6:1-3 - "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." (See Exodus 20:12 - Part of the Ten Commandments, which all we children need to know!) I read this great suggestion in an E-Mail one time about leaving notes for your kids which I started doing on certain, special occasions. If I ran across either a really good story or something which reminded me personally of them I would leave it under their pillow (kind of like the Tooth Fairy ....I guess I was the Note Fairy), and you know, at first they never said a word. No acknowledgment. Nothing! I was heartbroken. I thought we'd be having these moments, but now I pictured them again rolling their eyes and just throwing my notes away ....maybe even sometimes throwing them away even before reading them. Until one day!......I found them in a drawer in Abbey's room when I was putting something away. There they were all tucked into a little corner of her world. So, I thought ...wonder if David did the same thing? I could cry this very minute just thinking about it because there they were too ....tucked away in his own little world. I never looked again for an "acknowledgment" but I did lift up my eyes and whisper a "Thank You" to my Father above. ....but now, that story is between me and you because we would not, of course, want to "embarrass" these children!
L = LOVE (UNCONDITIONALLY, that is) & LOTS of it! Let's recall, from previous studies, our definition of this kind of LOVE ..... provide and protect ALWAYS! Enough said? Absolutely! 1 Corinthians 13 (the LOVE chapter) - especially Verses 4-8A - "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control ...." ...and believe me we will need all of this fruit in order to raise children, and we will HAVE to be Spirit-filled in order to produce such fruit toward them. We see reminded in Matthew 5:44 to "love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you" and in Luke 6:27 to again "love" our enemies and "do good to those who hate you" and "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you". ...and, I do believe, CHILDREN definitely fall into all of those categories.
D = DECISIONS & DISCIPLINE ... there will be many and much! So, GET READY! Proverbs 19:18 - "Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death." (....isn't it amazing that God felt the need to add..."and do not desire his death." He must have heard one too many "I could kill that kid.") (see also Proverbs 23:13-16) .... and discipline needs to be done in "love" and with a "gentle touch", NOT in frustration. Walk away until you can get a grip. Then return and address the issue. See also Hebrews 12:5-11, and I just want to stick in here right now several good books on the subject - "The Strong-Willed Child" and "Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson (who also has a program called "Focus on the Family"). This little "D" letter, though, should also stand for DEPENDENT - on us these children are. They come out of the womb (where they are knit - Psalm 139!) They are totally trusting, full of faith, and accepting, and when that is abused and taken away, they become DEFEATED or DE-spirited, without confidence and with such low self-esteem or no self-esteem that, as my pastor says, they have "no steam" left on which to function and operate. Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, fathers (....and mothers, I might add), do NOT provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." And in Colossians 3:21 we are told, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart." We are told NOT to "exasperate" our children....even though we will - and you can count on it - be at times totally exasperated ourselves!
R = REARING & REACHING. It is a "lifetime" plan and we're in it for "life"! Psalm 31:14-16 - "But as for me, I trust in Thee, O Lord, I say, 'Thou are my God.' My times are in Thy hand. Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, and from those who persecute me. Make Thy face shine upon Thy servant; Save me in Thy loving kindness." See also Proverbs 22:6 again - our "Train up a child..." verse! ....and I will say that although prayer should have been our first source, we may find in many cases that it is the ONLY source ... and answer! Amen? Absolutely AMEN!
E = ENRICH & ENCOURAGE! Our job....not theirs! I encourage you to take a look at the WHOLE Book of Proverbs but specifically let's take a look at a few: Proverbs 1:8 - "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and do not forsake your mother's teaching." Proverbs 2:1-2 - "My son, if you will receive my sayings, and treasure my commandments within you, make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding." Proverbs 3:1-2 - "My son, do not forget my
teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of
days and years of
life, and peace they will add to you.
N = NOW is the time and it is NEVER - I repeat - NEVER too late! ....it just may take more time to see the results. I say again....they are worth it! - the kids and the results! We are to keep on keepin' on with "NEVER" never entering the picture! Ecclesiastes 12:1-2 - "Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them'; before the sun, the light, the moon, and the stars are darkened, and clouds return after the rain." Joshua 24:15 - ".....choose for yourselves today whom you will serve......but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I realize that this has been LONG (you didn't know you'd be getting a book today, now did you?!), but I am convinced we, as ADULTS, need to get serious on the issue of CHILDREN. To that end I want to conclude with some REMINDERS to us about our kids AND to pass on to our kids - 1) Do NOT forget the Lord! - Deuteronomy 6:12A 2) Do NOT test the Lord! - Deuteronomy 6:16A 3) If you do something, do it to the best of you ability and "as unto the Lord" - Colossians 3:23 4) Bad company corrupts good morals - 1 Corinthians 15:33 5) Have CONFIDENCE! - Psalm 71:5A! (See also Psalm 78:6-8!) 6) As you THINK, so you are! - Proverbs 23:7. In fact and for the most part, "We are a sum total of all our choices!", and our choices start with thinking. ... think about it! One last (I promise!) thing to remember is the very truth of the saying, "Little pictures have big ears" ....and eyes! ....... "WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING" (Author Unknown) A message every adult should read, because children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, When you thought I wasn't looking, .....worth the risk? You bet they are! Kelli |
|
||||||
 |
 |
|
|||||
|
|
|
||||||